Navigating Life’s Tsunamis: Four Mindshifts for Growth Through Transition
The stillness in transition - sometimes growth happens in the quietest moments, when we pause and reflect.
Ten months in, and this Transition stuff is tough work. Especially when navigating a life-shift that feels more like a tsunami. Things change all the time, often in ways we don't expect. And we don’t get a pass because we’ve studied communication, leadership (or even practice as an executive coach). Change is the great equalizer; we all fall into the hole at some point. I did. And let me tell you, it’s lonely down there.
When we experience loss, it’s easy to blame others or bad luck. But the truth is, we often end up where we are due to both circumstances and choices. There's no formal curriculum for making choices, yet I believe it's one of the most crucial factors in determining success. The choices we make, big and small, have infinite consequences. Some are made in solitude, some with others.
We think we know the “big” choices: If and where to go to college, who to marry, buy a house or rent, where to work. In reality, life doesn’t tell us which choices are truly big until after they are made, after they flow into a universe of endless possibilities – none of which can be predicted.
We can control many aspects of our thinking and doing to achieve better short-term outcomes. But life will always hand us uncontrollables - job loss, cancer or debilitating illness, the death of a loved one, layoffs, divorce, empty nests, or waking up one day and wondering if we’ve landed where we were supposed to be. It feels scary. It feels surreal.
I've learned that life is our 'earth school' - a place for growth and contribution. Without life's storms, nothing changes. We live in the “someday…” mentality. It feels weirdly safe to stay here. Nice place to hide.
Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote: “Wherever you go, there you are.” There is no escaping the decisions we make in our heads and hearts every day. They bring us to wherever our feet are planted right now. Look down, look around. There you are. Now what? How did you get here? How do you grow forward and achieve your heart’s desires?
I believe we must use mindfulness, curiosity, and self-compassion to reconcile our minds with our bodies, our hearts with our souls. Purpose comes to those who seek it, and to those who pay attention to where they are right now. To those who examine the mindset that got them here and mine the present for nuggets of wisdom to guide us forward.
This is the work of self-discovery and self-mastery. It requires reflective work, and reflective work is almost always grief work. We avoid it at all costs. We stay busy, chasing the next goal, but somehow success always feels just out of reach, as if it’s always “just around the corner." We expect external achievements to bring internal satisfaction. When it doesn’t, we try harder, work harder, and do more.
At some point, we slow down, go to bed, and our hearts take over. Our hearts and souls take stock. Did what? Accomplished what?” Maybe that’s why there seems to be a sleep deprivation epidemic. We try to separate them - the day belongs to the logical mind, the night to the heart and soul. We keep them from communicating yet our body knows what we try to deny. We have to choose. Do we keep running or do we let them communicate seamlessly, as nature intended?
It’s hard. When the head and heart connect, there is usually a call to action. Rather than make the choice, we choose default, compromising ourselves and betraying our deepest held beliefs. We choose safety over integrity.
Every day I learn new skills to navigate grief, shed the old, and make way for inspiration and new possibilities. When it feels hard, I ask myself, “do you really want to live in the status quo?” The status quo feels safe, and we humans must stay safe to survive. But we humans are also hardwired to take risks, grow and find our soul’s purpose. For me, that’s a lifelong endeavor. I choose no to the status quo. How about you?
My hard-earned wisdom says that life becomes richer when you lean into it with compassion and curiosity. That compassion starts with self-compassion. It starts with how we speak to ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves the way we would to a dear friend.
Here is a litmus test: at the end of every day, make a list of the things you said to yourself. Were they kind, encouraging and compassionate – just like you would be to a treasured friend? If not, there’s work to do. Success begins in the mind. It’s about mindset. To grow or not to grow? To risk or stay safe. Growth mindset or fixed mindset? What will it be?
A growth mindset isn’t a book or a slogan. It’s a transformation of thoughts and emotions that are more often negative than positive. That is scary. And research shows that negative emotions are physically painful! No wonder we run. These shifts are about transforming the way we interact with ourselves and the world around, creating room for growth in even the most difficult transitions.
With these reflections in mind, I offer you four shifts to help you navigate life’s tsunamis with courage, curiosity, compassion, and purpose. Consider the choices in front of you every day, and commit to the following:
1. Integrity is Key.
As Caroline Myss wisely said, “Liars don’t heal.” We can do all the right things externally, but if we're not truthful to ourselves, healing is out of reach. No matter how many external steps we take to strengthen our body – hitting the gym, drinking our greens, and eating the perfect pyramid, plunging into icy waters - practicing mindfulness – if we lie to ourselves, healing won’t happen.
When you lie to yourself or others, when you blame others for your choices, or when you gossip, knowing it will hurt someone, your body knows. Science shows that dishonesty leads to increased inflammation at the cellular level causing premature aging and physical breakdown. It is very difficult to move toward health and joy when you are entrenched in deceit.
So ask yourself: What mindset belief is keeping you stuck in negativity? Can you reframe it into one that nurtures, strengthens, and promotes growth?
2. Accept that life is not fair.
Every great spiritual tradition teaches this. Stuff happens. It’s often difficult. The question is: How will you respond? When bad things happen – especially those that bring deep grief – you face a choice. We can’t change what has already happened.
Viktor Frankl in his seminal work, Man’s Search for Meaning, wrote about how those who survived the horrors of the concentration camps did so by finding meaning in their suffering. They imagined a time after the horror, a purpose beyond despair. They chose, “this will not break me.” A monumental feat. Healing isn’t about forgetting. It’s about making a choice: will you spend your life asking, “Why me?” and remaining mired in muck? Or will you choose to find power in your adversity?
Even small disruptions can cause despair. It’s natural to feel despair when things go awry. But when the wind blows in a direction we did not intend, when we find ourselves weaving our tales of woe, we must make certain that we do not become stuck in that narrative. What if instead you chose to find purpose and wisdom in the midst of turmoil? Can you create a mindset of resilience? Can you author a new narrative using your resilience and newfound wisdom? It comes down to a choice. What will you take forward - wisdom or woe?
3. Use Regret as Fuel for Growth.
As Leo Tolstoy wrote in The Death of Ivan Ilyich, “What if my whole life has been wrong?' Take heart. Most people don’t have one, fully formed purpose for their lives. Purpose often unfolds over time, especially when we stay open, especially in adversity.
It is an unfolding, a cultivating, a lifelong discovery. Research shows that most people late in life regret what they didn’t risk more than what they did. Fear of failure holds us back. It weakens us. Vitality comes from the desire to live life fully and be present, even in difficult times. In disruption there is loss - and there is space for something new to emerge. We can choose to be fearless in the newness. As Wayne Dyer wrote, “do not die with your music still in you.” It’s never too late to discover and design a life you love.
4. Reframe your self-talk.
Consider the reality you’re crafting with your words. As Judith Glazer said, “Words create worlds.” Every word has power not only in conversations with others, but in the way you speak to yourself. Many of us use self-talk that we would never tolerate from others – harsh, toxic, and critical. We judge ourselves as lacking, never enough. We compare, diminish our accomplishments and “should” all over ourselves: “I should have done this, I should have done that.” How about you. How do you talk to yourself all day? Are you nurturing your growth or hindering it?
So there you have it – four hidden opportunities in change and transition:
Integrity, is you telling the truth to you, and choosing from your deepest held beliefs.
Life’s unfairness is a call to become fearless seekers.
Regret can fuel growth if we choose forward.
Self-talk can move from negative to positive, making us healthier in body and mind.
Self-mastery is the ultimate achievement. It is not easy. It is attainable. Try these four shifts and see what a difference they make for you.
©Lesia Stone, Coaching Transition Nov. 16, 2024. Lesia Stone is a Mindset Coach specializing in personal growth through transitions. With a passion for helping people navigate change, she empowers clients to find clarity, purpose, and resilience. Visit LesiaStone.com for more.